I’m sitting in my room. Lights off. The chatter of my room mates just barely penetrating my walls. It’s hot. I should turn on my air conditioner, but I don’t want to put forth the effort. And the endless droning leaves my ears ringing...
Today was one of those long days... the days you look back at and wonder how you could ever think the other days were tiring. Trip to PIC with the little kids, 5th & 6th Bible study, 3rd & 4th OpenLine, 1st & 2nd Science experiments, new principal meet-n-greet, trip to coffee with four high school girls, and a dinner with a conference executive. At the end of the day, everything piled up and smeared together, you just have to keep your mind on Friday, and how amazing that half day will feel when it comes.
And it’s about that point that my God smacks me upside the head. It’s about that point that God reminds me of how He designed me for more than looking for Fridays. Yes, thank God it’s Friday, but don’t forget that He needs you working for Him on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. The clock of God doesn’t have an alarm set for “when September ends.” The mind of God doesn’t shut down as soon as class is out at the end of the week. And the heart of God is never set on some distant holiday or coffee break. No. Not my God.
My God lives in the present. He lives inside of me. Every second, every minute, every hour, every day, He’s active - running harder than me to help these kids... Exhausted? No, I don’t think God gets exhausted. But I also know that He offers me endless strength when I sit in Him. “The joy of the Lord is my strength.” The question is are you focusing on God’s joy, or your inadequacy? Are you focusing on your tired limbs, your pounding head? Or are you seeking the next vision of God, because one more glimpse is one step closer. Closer to the source of peace and rest.
On the way back from the special dinner tonight, I started crying in the car. The lights were off and it was dark, so my room mates couldn’t see. But you still feel a shred of ridiculousness. They were talking about staying one more year; how they wouldn’t and couldn’t do it. They needed to be home. They are home-bodies, they need to be near the people they love... I sat there thinking... Why am I different? Why do I give off this vibe that the people close to me mean nothing? Do I really seem so calloused and nonchalant? Because I’m NOT. I’m not calloused, I’m not okay with missing people, I want to be near the people I love, I desire those relationships, and I ache for them ALL THE TIME. I’m not less of a human, I’m not incapable of feeling sad when I think of home. I love family. I love friends. I need my support network. I cry for the people I love and that I don’t see.
But I have my God. My God has plans. And those plans have taken me miles away from home... and He has promised me that I’ll stay that far away for a while yet. Next year looks big. Next year scares me. Next year is something I’m afraid to face right now. So thank God I don’t have to face it until NEXT YEAR. I’m not calloused, I’m not a roaming body. I’m just resolute in my desire to be where God wants me to be, when He wants me to be there. I have no idea where I’ll be in two years, and I have no plans. Because He’s got them. My planning is pointless, useless. God always changes it up anyway. He’s got me. I am His. So what else matters? Where else would I rather be? There is no one else for me... None but Jesus
Long days, screaming children, and distant futures.
Loving God. Holding a bigger hand. Seeking His future
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