Good morning.

I’m awake. 

I can’t sleep.

A pot of Rooibos... it’s from Africa. I’m in France.

It’s dark. A rainy night has left my window speckled with pieces of the sky, fallen to earth. I can see them through the Post-It-Notes that tye-dye the glass...

I’m awake.

A Christmas playlist is playing on iTunes. I consider switching to some Jesus Culture... Maybe I’ll stream some IHOP, since I have all the bandwidth right now. I could handle some Misty Edwards this morning.

Austin’s online - he just sent me a message. I hope he gets on Skype. I want to talk to him. I miss Austin... I want to talk to him.

My tea cup is sitting on the window sil... It looks pretty. So does the sunrise... It's almost here. My tea is almost gone.

“I will run to the river of Your love, I will run to You. You’re speaking Your love to the lonely. You are waking me up to call me lovely...”  Good old Misty... Always hits me hard. It’s like the words she says come straight from the throne of God. Maybe they do... I wouldn’t be surprised. At all. Not even close.

I scratch the nape of my neck and I start thinking about my dreads. I love the way they hang off my head... falling on my hand. Complete. Unison. Whole. Unique, every single one of them. Austin made them for me...  That was a bit of a painful experience. Worth it. So worth it...

I try to come up with some significant metaphor, comparing dreads to life... Unsuccessful.  But, worse things have happened to better people... 

‘The wind-swept yellow stickies of my mind are the molten emotional front line.’ Oh Imogen Heap... I wish I had words like yours.  I wonder what would happen if you took Misty and Imogen and then twisted them into one person... Hmm. I think the planet would explode.  Either that or we’d have to name it Jesus... Who knows.

I feel like we name a lot of things “Jesus”. And I don’t know how I feel about that... 

I’m awake. I can’t sleep.

Mallory just got back home from Australia a few days ago. I’ve had one conversation with her... 21 minutes on Skype. I’m thankful. But I crave more. Right now I crave more tea as well...  Time to heat more water. This time I’ll put orange peel in it. 

I go to my Mac dictionary and look up the word “peel.” I want to know where the line is drawn between verb and noun. I end up disappointed. 

Maybe you’re disappointed right now. With this. With what I’ve written.  I should probably care...  But I don’t. I’m in this homeostasis of peace. My rooibos, my Misty Edwards, my journal, my post-it-notes.

My life.

My Jesus.

I’m awake.