I have this problem...

I have this problem... and maybe it's not even a real problem. But it sure feels like it sometimes. I have a problem with love. Well, more specifically, romance. I just have... issues with it. The idea of having it.   I recently watched The Matrix trilogy again and found it very hard to be okay with Neo and Trinity's relationship. You know... the way that they're always worried about losing each other, they're constantly in danger, and they just keep saving each other - undermining fate. Yes, living in the Matrix is definitely a stretch in comparison to normal life...  but is it? Really? Is it? I think that it could be a lot closer to reality than we think. Minus one thing: I am not Neo and I can't just bring my little Trinity back to life when she dies. So, if I fall in love with some wonderful man, become devoted to him, and then he dies... Where does that leave me?  In a whole lot of pain.  As I watched The Matrix, I kept struggling with the idea of love. Love and loss. 

I don't feel strong enough. I believe I've felt that kind of deep love before. I know I have. And to lose it...?


I wonder if God feels like this...  Looking down at us, wondering what we'll do next. Wondering when we'll realize how easily we affect His heart. He romances us as such a great price... He's in the Matrix with us, pulling bullets from our chests and giving us true sight.  But I know He'll never die. I know He'll never leave...


I have a lot of growing to do. I have a lot of strength, yet to be gained. A lot...  I get so tired. But I want to love. And love more abundantly.