Yes. I live there :)

an all-consuming fire

"Strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make levels paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. ... You have come to Mount Zion, to the heavenly Jerusalem, the city of the living God. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God!... the judge of all men, to the spirits of righteous men made perfect, to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel....Therefore since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is an all consuming fire!"
-Hebrews 12:12-3,22-4,28-9

"Any revelation from God's Word that does not lead us to an encounter with God only serves to make us more religious. The church cannot afford 'form without power,' for it creates Christians without purpose."
 - Bill Johnson

Losing Sleep

Those times when you wake up at midnight... or 2am.... or 3:34am. The latter being the story of my life currently. Ever morning. I have to admit that I kind of like it. I look out my window and I can see the moon shining on the Salève, the cliffs becoming almost luminescent as they reflect the lesser light. I watch the sky slowly creep from black to blue and the stars disappear. At first the sentimental thoughts such as "Oh, everyone back home is looking at the same sky..." are quickly thrown out the window because... well... you aren't. We're in two different time zones on two different sides of the world, looking at different skies. Yours is blue and mine is black, the sun shines down on you and I see the moon... 

My room mate and I have started a "French Only" rule in our room, which we are struggling to hold onto. Any movies or shows we want to watch have to be in French or with French subtitles, our conversations are usually a curious form of "Franglais", and people entering our room get a rigorous crash-course in how to be French in our presence (unless, of course, they are French...). But the one things I have been unable to keep en français is my worship music. Still as English as ever, it remains as meaningful and life changing as ever. 

This morning, as I woke up to watch the sky turn grey, my heart was met by one of my favorite songs. EVERY time I hear it, something deep inside me rends itself in two and I feel like a living sacrifice. I want to be that... I want to be a living sacrifice. I want to be a sacrifice that loses its sleep every night... falling in love.

Open my eyes - I want to see You

Open my ears - I want to hear You

Open my heart - I want to feel You

Your great love oh Lord... oh, once again.

I want to fall in love once again

I want to be more desperate once again

I want to lose my sleep once again....

falling in love with You.

-Sarah McMillan

I have this problem...

I have this problem... and maybe it's not even a real problem. But it sure feels like it sometimes. I have a problem with love. Well, more specifically, romance. I just have... issues with it. The idea of having it.   I recently watched The Matrix trilogy again and found it very hard to be okay with Neo and Trinity's relationship. You know... the way that they're always worried about losing each other, they're constantly in danger, and they just keep saving each other - undermining fate. Yes, living in the Matrix is definitely a stretch in comparison to normal life...  but is it? Really? Is it? I think that it could be a lot closer to reality than we think. Minus one thing: I am not Neo and I can't just bring my little Trinity back to life when she dies. So, if I fall in love with some wonderful man, become devoted to him, and then he dies... Where does that leave me?  In a whole lot of pain.  As I watched The Matrix, I kept struggling with the idea of love. Love and loss. 

I don't feel strong enough. I believe I've felt that kind of deep love before. I know I have. And to lose it...?


I wonder if God feels like this...  Looking down at us, wondering what we'll do next. Wondering when we'll realize how easily we affect His heart. He romances us as such a great price... He's in the Matrix with us, pulling bullets from our chests and giving us true sight.  But I know He'll never die. I know He'll never leave...


I have a lot of growing to do. I have a lot of strength, yet to be gained. A lot...  I get so tired. But I want to love. And love more abundantly.

If I Had A Boat

God I want to be desperate. I want to be hungry. Stir it up within me... please. Help me to do my part... You were always dear to my heart. When I choose to roam, please be careful... Hold me. Hold me close. I know you say that you will, but... I’m asking. I know that you like being asked. So I’m asking. I know they all look so pretty, but they’re all just empty shells to me. I’ve been loving you for far too long, making plans for far too long... I can’t go back now. So protect me. It’s about time I moved on. It’s about time I stepped out. It’s about time I pushed the limits... I want to push and push and push and push... Because I feel You pushing me. Help my feeling.... Sometimes it seems that I don’t feel... I can’t hear the noise that moves so soft and slow. Without You I break hearts. With You, I mend them. I want to see hearts mended. Here. Now.... in my generation. See them, Lord. See them... Because if I had a boat, I would sail to You. Hold you in my arms. Tell You that I’m true... Once I had a dream, people told me that it died, but I’m still pointed north, hoping for the shore. Because I won’t eat until my Father’s at the table... I won’t drink until the devil’s turned to dust. So I want to learn to trust... Trust.

See through the nothings. Find a few somethings. And please, hold them to Your heart...

I love You.