Love? Love... Love.

Love. Yeah, i just went there... Love. What are you going to do about it? It’s everywhere, isn’t it? According to everything around us, if we’re not in love, we should be in love; if we are in love, we need to be more in love. Love love love love love. Love.

I’m probably not the greatest expert on this subject. I don’t intend to date until I’m 23, and I’m extremely picking about what my man will be like when I actually do start dating him. As an RA in the Upper Columbia Academy dorms, I always told my freshmen girls “Boys are smelly, throw rocks at them.” Luckily, I never had to apprehend rock-throwing girls before they brained groups of innocent boys, but I did get the point across over the course of a year. Those freshmen girls are almost seniors now and are careful about who and how they date.

But, did I write this column just to talk about my exploration of the freshmen mind? No. That would probably be an interesting column, but it’s not quite what I intended.

Love. There I go, saying it again. What are we supposed to do about this word? Is this word all about dating? Is it just this awkward, supposedly “all encompassing” description of God that the Theology Professors throw out there all the time? Did Jesus say I’m supposed to do this with my neighbor? When I love someone, does that mean I’ll grow old with them and be wrinkly in rocking chairs with them someday? How do I love people?

What’s odd to me is how the world around us tells us to fall in love, when flipping the card over reveals endless amounts of hate. Love. Hate. Love. Hate. Which one do they really want us to do? By their standards, love means sex... I’m sorry, but that makes it really awkward to love my neighbor... And hating my neighbor makes life irritating for both of us.

So, how about we forget the world’s perspective of love, and we just focus on God’s perspective of love. It doesn’t get much easier. In fact, I think it gets harder. But it gets so much more beautiful.

This past summer I was lamenting over the idea of love. The idea of loving others. When I read my Bible, I see Jesus telling me to love like God loves... So how do I do that? It was quite a huge task laid down before me, and I felt lost to pursue it aimlessly and hopelessly until He came the second time to find me not loving like I was supposed to and therefore not worthy... Lame. That’s a sad ending to the story. And I hate sad endings. So I started talking to God about learning to love like He did. I wanted the heart of God. He was pretty darn straight with me about it, and began slowly laying out in front of me what that would look like. There was a lot of stuff I was uncomfortable with. He said that to get to know Him, I had to get to know people. He said that if I wanted to get to know people I had to get to know Him. Both are scary. Because if you want to get to know people... if you want to get to know God... you have to be willing for them to get to know you. That, my friends, is no small matter. I mean, I don’t mind spending all day telling you how wonderful you are, but turning around and telling you how much is wrong with me... No. Not so easy... and definitely not pleasant. At all. Uncomfortable is an understatement. But I told Him I’d do it. I said yes...

I really wish that my last paragraph could describe to you in detail how much of a saint I’ve become, that I love everyone unconditionally, I never judge, and how I never have struggles, so telling people about myself is easy. That would be grand. But, that would be a lie. And lying is a sin. So, I won’t lie to you... I judge. All the time. I struggle opening myself up... all the time. I struggle choosing to love... all the time. But the other side is that God slowly, day by day, gives me more of His heart. Day by day He gives me more love. I see more hurting people, and fewer social rejects. It’s a scary way to live. The search for God will lead you to people. The search for people will lead you to God. You have to be ready for both. And you have to accept them even more willingly than you feel. Acceptance isn’t what you feel, it’s what you do in spite of a feeling. I accept you because you’re a person, because you’re a piece of God, and because as we accept each other, God will meet us and show us His heart. I’m a fan of that.

The world will keep pervading us with their ideas of love and lust, with all of their ideals that all lead to hate. I’m just glad that I don’t have to be a part of that. I’m glad that I’m free and I can choose to love. Even when it sucks... Even when I don’t want to. And I guarantee there are times when I don’t want to. But I can meet God. I can meet you. I can love.