coherence?

When I decide to write a blog, there's a careful process I have to go through (meaning that it's something I should do, but I usually don't go through it...) before I can begin to type out my thoughts. This process frustrates me because it's not what I've always wanted it to be. In my mind, the ideal blogging setting would be casually scanning my friends' blogs, listening to some "Gotye" or maybe "James Vincent McMorrow" playing in the background, and methodically typing out my carefully articulated thoughts while I sit on my room floor and sip a bowl of tea (yes, I drink my tea from bowls).  But the truth is, I can't do that. The truth is, when I do that I become completely lost.


You see, I have this problem... I'm easily distracted. VERY easily distracted. No matter what I'm doing, where I am, or who I'm with, Sacha Kravig can be distracted. I may come back from class with several things on my mind that I want to articulate to you, the people who read my blog, but by the time I actually get onto my blog and have sorted through all of the new and interesting posts by my friends, my mind is so turbulent and inspired that I've completely lost my own idea in the midst of their greatness. Reading other people's work causes me to forget why my work might have been important. Drinking tea makes me... drink tea. I spend my whole time drinking tea, thinking about how I should brew it the next time, and why I like bowls better than tea cups, instead of processing my ideas. Music distracts me the most... which is frustrating. I've always wished that I could be someone who does homework, writes, and goes through most of life with music in the background. But the truth is, I can't. I get caught up in it, I get lost in it. I find so much beauty in what I'm listening to, that I forget to care about the beautiful things in my hands.  I lose my ideas.


My mind is such a fickle friend... 


Am I the only one who has those days?  Those days when you sit down to blog/journal/whatever and all you can think of is quotes? 
Where did MY words go???
Those days when I sit down at Sibelius to try and finish my composition and all I can hear in my head is other people's melodies. Those days when you're so lost in your own grey matter that you stick to writing poems instead of the well-constructed blog post you were going to write. Those times when the language you speak all day becomes so hackneyed to your tongue that you resort to communication through gestures -- convinced that you have nothing worth saying.


Today has been one of those days. English and French have failed me. Even my thoughts are ANYTHING but put together. I sat down to write a well-constructed blog post about my Major change and where it's taking my mind and my hobbies these days. But I made the mistake of reading the works of Emily, Becka, Heather, Amanda, and Elliot... I absorbed it all, I took it all in. 


I'm good at that. I'm good at taking things in. I'm good at appreciating things. But I can't seem to walk the fine line between appreciating something, and losing myself in it. 


So, what's the point? What's the point... ?


Maybe there isn't one. Maybe this is the scariest, most chaotic blog post I've ever written...  and maybe it doesn't go any further, and maybe I can't think of some great words to end this. But I got it out. I wrote it. I processed what was stuck in my head, clogging the sinuses of my thinking, and keeping me from breathing free. So it's gone. I give this chaos to you, my reader. 




Don't get lost in the minds of others. Appreciate someone else's beauty, but then endure the pain, and take the time to figure out what you think, what you believe, and what you want...


and then make it more coherent than I did.