suspension.

Say anything but say what you mean

watered down

Last night a friend called. On Skype, of course, because I don't have a phone here. I hadn't talk with them for a while, so there was a lot to catch up on. After all the inside jokes were used up, the one liners were all old, and as the yawns got more and more frequent, the subject matter turned. And it turned toward my favorite topic... my God

We discussed how the world waters down Jesus. How we second guess God. The devil doesn't need to make us mass murderers to keep us out of heaven, he can just give us a fake, watered down, twisted version of the truth that gives some strange sense of security. Misplaced security... We discussed the way that Christians forget the miraculous they forget the God behind the God-man, and they neutralize the gospel. "Christ in me, the hope of glory" becomes "I'm in church, I'm obeying rules, why isn't my life going perfectly?"

My friend was so tired of the pastors, preachers, and minsters who can stand at the pulpit and preach a gospel that is only half there. These lukewarm doctrines that feel good... or, at least, feel comfortable. Leaders who seem so ashamed of the gospel, and so unaware of whom they believe that pretty soon no on even cares, and the purpose is completely forgotten. Morality, purity, and faith go down the tubes with church attendance. People are lost, hope is lost, and Jesus just stands there with arms wide open, ready to chase us again.

As we talked, I started thinking about all of the people I know who have headed down that road. Who walked off into the world of comfortable doctrine, and were swallowed by the sea of lukewarm. Lost to all feeling, and passion, they're paddling about, looking for the next ship. Ships that make them feel like they're going somewhere. Robbed of all purpose, life becomes grey and fogged over. Erased steps in a world of sand. I started crying. I thought of friends I know and love who don't want to drink it straight. They want the watered down version...

Paul says that the gospel of Jesus Christ is water to a dry and thirsty world. So why do we try to make it look like something else? Every human heart needs water, so why do we think they won't be attracted. The pure, unadulterated gospel of Jesus Christ is what every soul craves. In the core of every being is a hunger. And no watered down, twisted, mislabeled version of the truth of salvation is going to satisfy that.

I'm so glad I had a friend to have that conversation with. I'm glad that others want more. Lukewarm will never do...

EQUATIONS

by Sacha Kravig

Oh the arithmetic of life

How many are lost

How many fall

How many decide... oh, how they decide

Decisions, decisions

Spinning our world

The globes of time, governed by equations

The minds of men, governed by sensations

Oh the arithmetic of life

How you move me

How you thrill me

How you fear me

And I fear you

Your everlasting monotone

The cadence that flows freely

And the rhythm that kills slowly

And slowly lives. Slowly gives life

Arithmetic. Breath.

And still we believe.

We believe in something more

We endlessly open doors

We ponder equations,

We experience sensations.

We live... believe

Oh the arithmetic of life

Oh the arithmetic of war

The battle of equations

The lifetime of sensations

stop and listen

Just do it. It's crazy what you'll find.... find out. About yourself.

it all looks different. but that doesn't mean anything has changed

Through the mud on my eyes

I couldn't walk

I couldn't see

I couldn't love

Until you found me.. in my deafness

You swung open the curtain

And I found the courage to get up and walk

I forget my weakness

For You've answered my loneliness

My hope has come

too easy

Lady sings the blues so well... as if she mean it... Blue lips, blue veins. Blue. The color of our planet from far, far away...

I vote Regina human of the year.... outside the cars are beeping out a song just in her honor. And though they do not know it, all mankind is now her brother.

Autumn wind turns again
The days are warm, start to fade
All that's here is still the same
Memories fall like rain

The only world I know
Steady as you go
It's too easy, it's too easy for you...

There's something amazing about OneRepublic. Something you can't really put your finger on. Not one of their songs leaves me unaffected.

Too Easy is drifting through my headphones right now... "It's too easy, it's too easy for you..." That line will be stuck in my head for the rest of the day. As I jog I will play it over and over again thinking about what it really means. And what it means to me.

So many desperate attempts to learn the guitar part have just left me hopeless. Someday, maybe... But for now I'll listen, cry, wonder, and dream about Autumn... It's too easy...

Gina Carano. Wow, my hero. Whenever I get tired in MMA training, I just think about her, and all of her amazingness. Keeps me going through it all... core, circuits, scrappy jiu jitsu sessions...

I may not be at Hillsong anymore, but I'm there in spirit. "WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER" I've seen that so many times so many different places... but we are, aren't we? I look at my students and wonder... Yes, I'm in this with them. I'm through this together, we're searching forever, so sing the lullabies of a distant day. It'll come. Somehow. Someway. The grief won't stay... Here we are. Are we lost are we found are we looking? I heart... do you heart?

Sensing. Great name for a great picture. Almost a picture of home to me. Janke may hate the wheat, but I'm feeling lost without it.

life in Saipan

I wish you were here Friend. Jogging in this place is an interesting thing... A Mobil station lies about a mile from my house. I like to jog there and back as the sun is close to setting. Fitness is a high priority here, and walkers and joggers line the path along the beach, leading to the Garapan streets and the Mobil station.

A man walking a dog - Not on a leash, that would be too much work for an islander. A Korean man with his 6 year old daughter, watching her run and laugh at the small waves. A gecko scampering up and down the coconut tree is probably looking for bugs... but, I prefer to think that he's intimidated by me. The frog on the path in front of me, however, is very afraid. But in stead of running away, he just pretends he's a rock and tries to scare me away... Then there's always the lady that you pass more times than you ever wanted to. Maybe she thinks I'm stalking her...

The sun is finally setting as I make my return journey home. I stop at the edge of my concrete trail and sit to watch the sun slowly disappear behind white clouds and an azul horizon. I sit transfixed by it all for too long. And then I realize that I still have a half mile to run before a shower, clean clothes, and food.

I eye my papaya tree carefully before passing it, checking for ripe papayas and making sure that no one has taken them. Turn down the drive, greeted by friendly dogs, and then under the mango tree to the house.

Now I'm home. And I'm missing you. Tofu, rice, nori, and an orange... and then nothing is left but to read my Bible, pray, and go to bed.

Life in Saipan. Missing my Friend. Loving my God. Life in Saipan...

from the mouths of children

During DEAR (Drop Everything And Read) time this morning, two of my Korean ESL students grabbed classroom Bibles, their Translators and sat on the floor to read the Bible together. During Kindergarten Freeplay time, Erika sang (at the top of her lungs) through every Jesus song she knew, whether she actually knew the real words or not...

And then in 3rd and 4th Bible class I was talking about seeing God's salvation today, in our world. I talked about how excited God was to just be with us. That He is ever waiting for us to just want to talk to Him... like a puppy after you've been gone at school. Alvin, a 3rd grader who usually gives me nothing but attitude, raised his hand. He asked me if he could have one of the wrist bands on my arm. I have two on my left arm. A blue one reading "I SUPPORT WWU SMS" and a red on that reads "CHOOSE GOD." I explained that they reminded me to pray for very important friends, and that they meant a lot to me. He pointed at them once again and asked if he could have one. I asked him which one he wanted. He said that he wanted the blue one. I looked at him in the eye, and said that I would only give him my wrist band on one condition. Every time he looked at it, he had to promise to talk to God. He had to remember the puppy, and talk to God - the God who was so excited to be with him, and loved him so much. He looked back at me, took a moment, and then said he would do that. I made him shake on it, and then handed over my blue band.

That makes my day worth it. That makes it all worth it.

then the voice of Kim Walker drifts into my head.... Your love makes it worth it ... Your love makes it worth it ...

It’s cold.

I shiver from the warmth.

Tingles and ripples make my skin quiver.

Frost coats what time hasn’t frozen,

And I struggle to stay awake.

Comfort flees.

Time waits.

I’m cold, and the sky is shining.

The sun glows down at me.

Laughing, shining eyes watch me.

Blood flows hot

and my veins are cold.

It’s cold.

And I’m shivering from the warmth.

Crayons and Chai

It's raining. Hard.

I'm sitting in my classroom, doing the things that teachers are supposed to do to look busy. Papers clutter my desk, and a Korean girl named Ahrin is studying 12 feet away from me. I'm Listening to Danielle Beaudry on iTunes and wishing that I didn't have to go anywhere right now... Or maybe I wish I could go everywhere... Either one won't be happening.

This is one of those days that requires an Organic Chai, a metal table in Rocket Market, and a good friend or a good book. Maybe both. I am offered neither and have to be content with a noisy air conditioner and a room that smells like crayons.

It could be worse.... I kind of like crayons